Friday, December 31, 2010

One last Post of the Year

OK one last whine before the new year.... Tomorrow is a new day, FRESH with no mistakes in it. Gonna try to be a new and better me. Thanx for reading... talk to you soon.

Thursday, December 30, 2010


I just finished watching Pride & Prejudice for the ump-teenth time. I love this movie, and its one of my Staples. I love Sense and Sensibility too! Emma was good although I love the "Clueless" adaptation of that story. But Emma is not one of my favs for sure. I love how Elizabeth was the main beauty and she was her own person, and still very beautiful. It can be that way when you have sisters. People tend to pick their favorite and the one they think is the most beautiful and then the ones they feel are runner ups. I love how Jane and Elizabeth are close and not competitors. I mean left up to people my oldest sister and I would've probably hated each other and fought like you wouldn't believe. But I always loved my sister and I always seem to push her in front of me when people were looking any how. I didn't mind falling to the background, I still kind of value the person who notices me even when I try my best not to shine. I mean I'm always looking for the person who is on the side, not the one in the front. Its always something special to me when a person sees me. One thing I always thought was true so in my mind this really worked for me, was that my sister and I had two totally different tastes. We never thought the same type of guy was attractive, and with that I didn't think that the type of guy we attracted were the same. Anyone interested in my sister is NEVER for me, and vice versa. Elizabeth and Jane didn't fight over guys and I like that about the two characters. Unfortunately my world was shattered to find that a boy I really liked decided to tell me later that at one point he was attracted to my sister. I could NEVER be with that guy again, he broke an unspoken rule. Did I miss something? Is that a rule that you should even have to make clear to the world. That information broke my heart and from it I haven't recovered. That information was worse of a betrayal than if he cheated on me with a thousand faceless females. Now I know some sisters "claim" not to have a problem with dating their sister's ex etc... BUT it is one of my golden rules, you don't date your friend's ex, and if that's just a friend do I have to mention sisters?
Back to my original statement, my all time favorite movies, I LOVE "The Mirror Has Two Faces"! I identify with Barbra's character. Although I could never consider myself a Professor, I consider myself a woman of great value. You just gotta see me, and I don't want to be seen for the reasons that others want to be seen for. She's just an everyday person with a sister and mother that she LOVES! Her sister is the beautiful one, and her sister looks like her mother. I look like my father too. Only thing is that she goes on a date with and kisses her sister's soon to be ex-husband. YUCK! Take that part and its a HOME RUN!
"In Her Shes" Oh my word YES! Me and my sister, the raving beauty and the ordinary sister. "The Holiday" I relate to Kate's character. The idiot who she was in love with who just continued to do her dirty, and then she ends up with Jack Black.... YES! I love me some Jack! "Where the Heart is" how she didn't feel she was good enough for the good guy... YEP! "Spanglish" I love that although they liked each other, they chose to do the right thing. Regardless of how beautiful she was, and how he deserved to be with someone who valued him, they did the right thing. Sometimes love isn't enough.... sigh! Lets see, that's all the movies I can think of right now. I'll think of more later.

No Guarantees

Um! The other night I sat up and read a lot of this blog, and I think I might regret some of the things I've shared. :o( I'm debating (HEAVILY) whether or not to delete some of them. This blog is truly my avenue to vent. There's something about saying what you have to say and then sending it out into the unknown. I used to write on papers and in random notebooks. You know, I still do that LOL! However there is less of an opportunity to be discovered that way... What if someone who I don't want to read this finds my blog and then reads it? IRRITATION! I have to stand behind the things I say, and the way I feel or felt when I say or said them. BUT MAN! I don't want everyone knowing everything... I don't know. Besides once you hit the key it never truly goes away and anyways. The thing about computers is that nothing ever truly goes away no matter how well you attempt to delete it. Oh well, today I'm not deleting, but I make no guarantees for tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Sisterlocks on "Good Hair" Part 1

This is Part 1 of a three part video. I thought it was very interesting... Sisterlocks seem interesting, however you have to be certified to do them and then do the upkeep. My whole thing about going natural is to find regimen that I could keep up myself, and I don't know... PLUS, until this site its been very rare that I've seen Sisterlocks that were actually long...
Very true, the movie "Good Hair" has seemed to awaken a lot of people to the "Whoas" of relaxers. I have personally noticed that a lot of women are now choosing to go natural. The thing about Natural hair is that you have to do a lot of independent research to care for your natural hair. There is a lot of upfront information pushing towards relaxers.
My thing is that is when you wear your hair natural one of the first options put in front of you is locs. I really think that locs are beautiful, and I think I've said that in previous post. What I'm having a hard time is finding things that help me embrace my natural hair in its free form. Aw! that's when it becomes more difficult. I'm considering going in my kitchen making my own concoctions for my hair, as it is just getting that difficult to find reasonably priced products that actually are really good for your hair.

Monday, December 27, 2010

I apologize

Do you ever recognize the part you played in the mistakes of a failed relationship? I battle with this. You when I was married, he would make EVERYTHING my fault. At first I actually believed him and I believed that he was more experienced in relationships than I was. Hmmmmm, looking back now I'm not so convinced. But I'll tell you when the light came on for me. One day I did something that wasn't cool. Stuck in the house while my husband did who knows what with who knows who I made a phone call. I called an old friend and we talked for a couple of hours. It was a pleasant conversation and nothing inappropriate even came up. Well when my husband came home I felt guilty so I told him about it. Oh, he had a COMPLETE FIT! He acted so ugly and went on and on about it. I was taking it as I guess I was wrong (at the time I knew I was wrong, but now hmmmmmm). Then after a week (yes a whole week) of his ridiculousness I had to set him straight. YES, I made a phone call and I was wrong for that, BUT I told him you got females calling here all hours of the night, you're NEVER where you say you are.... I went down the whole list. Needless to say that's when he shut up about it, and I stopped taking full responsibility for the wrongs in a relationship. Now did you hear me say I was wrong for making the phone call, and it never happened again, BUT I was over taking the blame. So then fast forward to a decade later. Now I fight with this man about who shot John way back when. One thing I learned in that marriage is that the details about the past are not completely necessary. My ex would ask me questions about past relationships and then freak out. WHY???? Why would he do that to himself and to me???? Never ask questions you cant handle the answer to. So I learned that the specifics were the only details necessary to establish where you are today. Do you still love him? No! Why did the relationship end? Because he wasn't a good husband the worst actually and then to top it off he cheated on me. I ended the relationship, we don't know each other to this day. I didn't realize how well I executed this format until my child's father would make references to the fact that I hadn't really told him anything about that horrid relationship. But seriously if its your past and you're trying to build something new why dwell on it. Sometimes the two involved in the relationship don't really understand why things went the way they did... I just haven't had the experience that a guy would get and understand my past relationship and then that I wouldn't hear about it later. You know how you find it in yourself to share something about your past with someone, and then as soon as they're pushed out of shape you're hearing what they truly think about whatever it was that you shared. Or maybe its just the idiots that I've dealt with but I don't go beyond surface when talking about my past relationships. Yep each one of them hurt me, and took something away from me, not that I didn't do my own share of hurting... But my point is that I, because in the first real relationship I had the fella acted to UGLY when I tried to own my faults, developed a defense around my faults. I learned A LOT about myself in my next relationship. Still very young and uncertain about a lot of things but my goodness. I wonder does everyone paint their selves as the victim in their relationships? Does anyone ever really own where they were wrong in their relationships. A lot of my guy cousins will claim that their relationships didn't work out because the girl was "CRAZY" but when I met her she seemed perfectly sane... So who's right and who's wrong? Who ever really tells the story to tell the truth about what happened in their relationships. Hmmmm?
In my marriage, I was wrong for not really knowing what I expected of him before I married him. And then for being disappointed when he couldn't just understand what I needed. I still don't take responsibility for the demise of that relationship as I didn't get married to get divorced. I thought nothing could hurt worse than getting divorced, but I was wrong.
In my relationship with my child's father, I was wrong for picking up right where "I" left off. I gave him everything as if he was my husband, but then I would hold back little tid bits here and there. It was like I was all in but then you'd realize that I really wasn't. I didn't trust him not to hurt me, like I had trusted my ex... (I was about to go into my defense but why)
I realize that I haven't gotten over the disappointment that was that ridiculous relationship. My next wasn't built on the right foundation so it bound to fall. I knew this but some how I guess I thought if I just held on a little longer it would somehow work its self out.
So I apologize for my unrealistic expectations. I apologize for trying to build a marriage off of a dream. I apologize for giving the father of my child what I couldn't give my husband.
In my defense once I was pregnant there was an element to my running that had to stop. My heart wouldn't let me just walk away and convince myself that I didn't care anymore. My heart said finish it, and boy did we.  The end of that relationship HURT more than my divorce, I still have a hard time processing it sometimes. My child is their father, a lot of the time I feel like the farm animal that bred them, having no real input into my child. But every once in a while I see a splash of me and that's all I need to be completely excited about my baby. My child's father and I try to be pleasant, but I don't always contribute to that. Sometimes I have flash backs and that makes me angry. I think about things from my point of view and yep I'm flashing. LATELY however I am proud to say that nope, I really don't care anymore. He's doing him and I could care less, I don't wanna see it, but at the same time I don't care. However I apologize once again for the part that I played in both of these failed relationships. NOW! With that out of the way its now time to MOVE on to the NEXT! :o)

Thursday, December 23, 2010


Has anyone ever made you feel unpretty? I remember when I was growing up on the play ground the Yard Supervisors would tell us to say "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"... And I can remember running thinking that I honestly believed that.... UNTIL they called me She-Ra! Don't laugh, cause it still hurts when I remember it. OK, kind of laugh. LOL!
I was a tom-boy. And the boys would always make fun of my super human strength, so they called me She-Ra, and I made the mistake of showing that it bothered me, and so they wouldn't stop calling me that.  It really was there only defense against me. And yea, I'd say it was effective.
Then suddenly my body started changing, and I was the 1st one to go through these changes in my class. Only 1 idiot felt the need to think that somehow my new chest was Kryptonite or something, she challenged me to a fight, and after that fight I didn't have to fight in school ever again.
Then a new girl showed up who was even more advanced than me if you can believe that, and I went back to being She-Ra! I wasn't a girl who was viewed like other girls, I was treated like some kind of super being or something. Didn't help that I had the world's hugest crush on one boy. That crush started in the fourth grade and then abruptly ended in the eighth grade. Oh but I loved me some chubby him, and he didn't see me.
Let's not add to that, that I had the world's cutest little sister. Oh my goodness when I see her in my head I remember how cute she was. People were drawn to her cuteness so much that again I didn't exist. Oh well right.... well..... Fading to the background that's what I do. Its what I've always done, I don't mind when the person right next to me shines like a beacon blinding all of us. It just annoys me when its my turn and they cant even let me have my moment. Like if someone is looking our direction couldn't you even pretend that they could be looking at me, don't assume they're looking at you (which they most likely are, but....) at least ask the question like who? Good grief!
Ooh! I just remembered a funny story. I was in the mall with my cousin and my bestie. We walked past some guys who were obviously there looking for girls. We went inside a clothing store to look at somethings. When the bravest guy walks in I started teasing my cousin as he approached like "Uh oh, he's coming for you", when he got in ear shot we all got quiet. I stopped paying attention. Then he said excuse me, now I was so used to being the after thought especially when I was with them that I thought he was saying excuse me so he could walk past me. Yes, there were plenty of other paths to walk to go deeper into the store, but I honestly didn't think of it at the moment. So I said "Oh you're excused" and I moved out of the way so he could walk past. Then he said "no I meant hello", it was then I noticed his accent and how nervous he was. But that didn't stop us all from laughing as we all thought he was saying excuse me as in he needed to get by. I guess the laughter gave the others courage because here they all came. I remember that and laugh to myself sometimes. The furthest thing from my mind was someone being interested in me. I know I've felt that way since having my baby, I gained 50lbs during my pregnancy and all in the last 3 1/2 months of it. I lost over twenty before leaving the hospital and another 10+ at home. I was almost back to my old self when I lost the will to keep fighting. My new body was DEPRESSING and my whole situation was just DEPRESSING! I lost my will to fight for me, and honestly I didn't want the attention back. This guy was a rare kind to look at me at my worse and still step. I honestly think it was a numbers game, you know when the little boys tried to see who could get the most numbers, quantity over quality. Yea well I don't like stuff like that.
There was the boy when I was growing up that I can remember the first time I saw him I thought he was cute, and then he spoke. YUCK! But every time he spoke he had to tell me how much my physical appearance appealed to him. I HATED IT! When I was telling my play brother (in my adult life) about this he acted like I was lying when I said I didn't  like the attention the guy gave me because it was superficial. But I guess a superficial person cant understand someone not being flattered by something superficial. Then I became friends with the guy's little sister, and he would send messages through her to me about his thoughts about my body. I was too young to know to tell her that I didn't want to hear it. I would just cringe whenever she told me what he said and wonder why he would say these things. Again I felt like he didn't see me either, so the feeling was NEVER returned and I would just tell him to grow up.... if I spoke to him.
I know physical attraction is the thing that gets people's attention, but I HATE that its that way. I'm not sprung off of someone until I've heard them say something that resonates in me. OH MY GOODNESS THEN I'M GONE! But there are plenty of cute guys in the world, but call me crazy but being cute isn't enough. Unfortunately sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who feels this way and the guy I tend to appreciate normally tends to have a different appreciation. So then I walk around feeling like I'm not enough.... Then I say if he isn't smart enough to see me, as I am WHY in the world should I give him the best of me first? Warped thinking I know, but I've been through a lot and I hate how long it takes for the other shoe to drop. I'd rather get it out the way in the beginning or throw the freaking shoe in the lake. LOL!
Any who, I wanna get healthy for me, but I DON'T want anyone looking at me because of it. If I'm invisible to you now, I wanna stay that way. If I was only good enough to be your friend now, DON'T come changing your tune when I'm healthy. I can feel myself getting angry at the thought of it. So today I'm going back on my program, but I don't want anyone making me FEEL badly because all the sudden they realize OH! She is pretty! I've been BEAUTIFUL the entire time, your stinking NARROW MINDED SELF just couldn't see me. So just like before close your eyes and forget that I exist! I don't want to hear about it.
Kind of out of left field huh? Well last night I went to bed thinking about someone. The last person I even dared to like, I cant even say why I liked him. No, I know why... I thought he saw me, so on General Purpose I gave him the nod. WRONG thing to do. Turns out he didn't see me, and I don't care to think more into it than my hurt feelings will allow me to. You know how we talk each other down from feeling bad about something. I hate for people to feel bad about things period, so I'll always try to reason a way out for them. But for me on the other hand.... NOPE! I actually kind of stuck my neck out there and I felt stomped on. Rejected and embarrassed I REFUSE to ever look in his direction again. I don't know what kind of game he's playing but I'm not doing it. When I tell the story to others they go, "Oh girl he just got scared blah, blah, blah..." And I'm thinking to myself scared???? Of what???? No, he didn't get scared and a lot of the times "scared" is an excuse to me. He was probably enjoying my friendship, went a little overboard, but only sees me as a friend, because I'm invisible to him. Well hey, I couldve done the strictly friend thing but that's not the way I felt he was leading me. In his defense he said he wasn't marriage material, so I had that in my mind. But if we're only friends why would you tell your mother about me? That amongst a few other things just felt leading really. So maybe in his mind that is just how you behave with friends of the opposite sex, not in my mind but OK if you say so. But I'm not playing your little game especially when you say you don't want to get married, you're not getting married. Then you tell me you're dating????? WHAT THE????? What part of the game is that.... My feelings were hurt regardless and they're still hurt. I don't want to be his friend friend. I just wanna be cool, you know like if I see him, I could just say "hey" and keep it moving like any other person. But being that I am EXTREMELY sensitive and my nerve is exposed I get mad when I see him. I keep praying to be even and to move on, but that right there, put me right back to feeling invisible. Invisibility although it can be great, it is extremely painful.

TLC - Unpretty

Cant get this out of my head this morning!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Am I awake????

Saturday was my special day assembly, why did I suddenly begin to feel ill on Friday nite? I took some NyQuil Friday nite and Wal-Tussin all day Saturday as I prepared for my parent's party. Sunday morning I was up. I began by making the Fudge Toffee Mountain Cake.... This cake has over three pounds of butter including the icing. Once I took that cake out of the oven cleaned the dishes, I made the Pound cake, since that one took 40 minutes to bake I took that opportunity to hop in the shower and then clean the mess. I made the icing for the Fudge cake and then I made the icing for the Red Velvet. Three cakes out of the oven and cooling and it wasn't even 12:30pm yet (I was doing good on time, my guest were set to arrive at 3pm). Mind you I got an early start. My baby made Banana Pudding YAY! It was extremely warm in my house, so once I iced the cakes they started to slide so I had to put them in the fridge, thank goodness I had enough space. THEN I began cooking everything else all of my sides.
Unfortunately the other two sides I made didn't make it in front of the camera. :o( Eventually the turkey arrived and we could then eat. My little house was packed with people, but I had a blast. Everyone said they liked the food, which I love to hear. I only sampled the fudge cake out of pure curiosity.

I mean look at that, wouldn't you be curious to know what it tasted like? Well let me tell you. Have you ever had that Motherload Chocolate Cake (or whatever its called) at Claim Jumpers? Its like 8 or 10 layers high, if not it sure seems like it. But the cake is HUGE and chocolaty, that's what this cake tasted like. Chocolate upon Chocolate. I had a scoop of vanilla ice cream with it. The next time I HAVE to have Chocolate I can make this bad boy, and I think I'll be straight for at least a year. The cake was moist and delicious.

Now as I made this cake something didn't feel right. The directions seemed different. I originally made this cake with butter, but now the recipe called for Canola oil. So in the middle of making this cake I looked long and hard at the recipe... OH MY GOODNESS THIS IS NOT THE SAME RECIPE! I frantically looked for a copy of the original version which I could not find. AG-GONY! So I continued with this recipe. Have you ever had something in your mixing bowl and thought.... WHAT ARE YOU???? After I put the cake int he oven I tasted the batter and it tasted pretty good, BUT! I was afraid! So I iced the cake and put it in the fridge.

I wondered how it tasted and feared the worst, just because it was different. The pound cake was the simplest. I thought about it yesterday and maybe I should've placed a drizzle of some sort over the top, but my mind was far removed from that idea for sure, ooh a lemon drizzle would've been perfect!
When it was time for dessert my BEAUTIFUL sister agreed to place her peppermint candies around the RVC as a garnish. Zimo suggested next time crushing them and adding them to the cake as my friend Elizabeth and I discussed before.

Everyone said the cake was delicious! I'm glad to hear it. But I just couldn't bring myself to taste it.... I don't know, I feared that maybe it would taste differently and I'd actually miss the butter. But here's our dessert spread:

I hope everyone enjoyed their selves and ate well. I shouldve gotten a picture of the Garlic Mashed Loaded Baked Potatoes! I made two tin trays of those bad boys and they were GONE! Ha! I loved that. I LOVE to make food and then watch people enjoy it. I just need to learn to stop enjoying it. LOL! No, now I wanna make all kinds of things. But when its hot outside don't talk to me about turning on the oven. How about NO! LOL!
So I got to see everyone and take a few pictures of folks etc. In the end my cousin decided to spend the nite. We started talking and before I knew it, it was 4:45am and my alarm would go off in 35 minutes. So I decided to stay awake. On the way to work the traffic seemed oddly light. huh? When I walked into the office it seemed extremely dark. I said out loud is it Monday or Sunday? I was hoping the walls would say Sunday and I would go home and sleep. :o) But my coworker soon appeared and that confirmed for me that I was indeed in the right place. I was so tired that I said a lot of random and sometimes hilarious things on FB. Cupcake wars moved me to tears, and then hysterical laughter as I read my post on FB! I don't remember falling asleep, but I woke almost confused as to where I was. When I got up this morning, my body begged me to please put it back in the bed. But I couldn't, I have to work this week. Next week I'm off and spending time with my baby... YES! I cant wait, we probably wont do much, but we'll be together.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Its Time!

I want my long hair back. So now its time for me to do some more researching, etc to find out what exactly I need to do to make my hair grow like weeds. So from what I read this morning my ponytail is a no no. My pony's have been my style for the past eight years or so. Then I need to steer clear of shampoos with Sulfates in them and conditioners and oils with Mineral oil and Petroleum in them. I honestly believe that hair needs to be moisturized in order to be strong and not break off as its growing. When I get home I guess its me an YouTube, as I try to figure out some styles that work for me.

Thanx to Abbie's blog I'm looking at head wraps in a whole new light. First I need to find a wrap so I cant practice putting that bad boy up and on. Oh once I get that down..... WATCH OUT! I'll be looking for BEAUTIFUL fabrics, etc... You may begin to think I have no hair with all the turbans I'll be wearing. LOL!

I am SO disappointed about the damage currently done to my hair. :o( In a way it feels like I have to start over from scratch and where I should working on hair in the middle of my back right now, I gotta worry about getting all new hair. Hurts me but oh well I gotta keep moving and NEVER make that mistake again. But what I really want is a low maintenance curly style that I can wear freely and just be happy. So now I'm on the hunt for the products that will allow me to do this. Yea every so often I miss straight hair and want it back. BUT! I want healthy and long hair more! So here's my mission and I choose to accept it. :o)


Healthy lifestyle
  • Healthy food choices
  • Exercise
  • Healthy hair regimens
  • More hair care research
Thanx Becca for the heads up on Biotin, it will be one of my next health food store pick ups. Flax seed oil is another supplement that's good for healthy and strong hair and nails, but it also helps skin, different health ailments like Diabetes, etc.

Flax Seed

This wonderful gift from the earth provides the following:
  • Fights a variety of inflammatory disorders
  • One of the EFA's (essential fatty acids) in flax seed oil, is alpha-linolenic acid, is known as an omega-3 fatty acid. Like the omega-3s found in fish, it appears to reduce the risk of heart disease and numerous other ailments. In addition, flax seeds are a rich source of lignans, substance that appear to positively affect hormone-related problems.  Lignans may also be useful in preventing certain cancers and combating specific bacteria, fungi, and viruses, including those that cause cold sores and shingles.
  • Lower cholesterol, protect against heart disease and control high blood pressure
  • Counter inflammation associated with gout, lupus and fiibrocycstic breasts
  • Control constipation, hemorrhoids, diverticular disorders and gallstones
  • Treat acne, eczema, psoriasis, sunburn, and rosacea
  • Reduce cancer risk and guard against the effects of aging
  • Treat menopause symptoms, menstrual cramps, female infertility and endometriosis
  • Fights prostate problems, and male infertility and impotence

The Benefits of Flax seed
Is flax seed the new wonder food? Preliminary studies show that flax seed may help fight everything from heart disease and diabetes to breast cancer.
By Elaine Magee, MPH, RDWebMD Feature
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

I currently have Flax seed in my cabinet I just gotta remember to take it. Maybe I should get a pill case and plan out my supplements... BUT! During a brief run in a Rainforest Cafe Sponsored class, we learned from an nutritionist that its better to eat foods that contain the elements we look to supplement to provide as its easier for our bodies to break down food than it is for our body's to breakdown pills. I remember Kale being a SUPER Food if you will. I gotta find some recipes for Kale and stores that sell it. Maybe my local grocery store sales it and I never noticed, but its time to remake everything about how I do everything. Time to even clean out my cabinets and start over. Its time, I'm ready to be healthy! ITS TIME!

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Verse 1

25% of men are unstable
25% of all men cant be faithful
30% of them don't mean what they say
and 10% of the remaining 20 is gay
That leaves you with 10% chance of ever finding your man
That means you better pay attention to these word that I say
I'm gonna teach how to expose the 90%
And show you what to do to get the other 10


Rule 1
Don't be a booty call
If he don't  respect you girl he gone forget you girl

And 2
If he's in a relationship
And he would cheat on her that means he would cheat on you

Rule 3
Tell him you're celebit
and if he want some of your goodies he gone have to work for it

Rule 4
Be the person you wanna find
Don't be a nickle out here looking for a dime

Verse 2

15% of all men got a complex
15% of all men don't practice safe sex
20% of them are from homes without a father
so there's a 50/50 chance you will marry a coward
something to think about when you're taking a shower
something to think about when you swallow your bottled water
I'm gonna teach how to expose the 90%
And show you what to do to get the other 10


Be patient
he's waitin
you don't gotta settle for less
leave all that stress alone
get you a backbone
stop being sorry for yourself
chances make champions
It's gonna take patience
time is still wastin

Now let me tell u, the 1st time I'm hearin this song in da backseat of my auntie's car, I was digging the song. For the most part I agree with the song PAINFULLY so. So 2day i decided to look up the lyrics 2 make sure that I heard everything right (kind of hard of hearing).
Ok so rule 1, I'm thinking about this and tryin 2 understand how this rule could apply 2 me, then Ah HA! Ok so that's that "best-friend girl-friend", kind of hard to explain but if the person is only calling u when they need something, u follow me?
Rule 2, if he's in a relationship he shouldn't b reaching out for any new relationships. Dont call another female's man, and dont allow him to call you. I wouldnt respect my man having deep relationships with females that are not related to him. That's a really confusing line to walk so just dont.
Rule 3 just really doesnt apply..... he should know what's up and if he brought up the topic.... HOUSTON WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM! How could u possible be a respectably head of my household takin such short cuts???? I'm human too, and then on top of that I'm GARRETT! But I'm constantly trying to keep myself n check....
NOW! Dun-da-da-dun-DA! RULE 4!!!  OK! B the person u want to find! Lately I've become so rigid in an effort to protect myself. 2 many people who play games n this world, and my thing is either step up or step 2 da side! I dont have time to play cat and mouse games.
Honestly I think these statistics apply across the board. Thank u Lyfe 4 makin this song, its beautiful indeed.
Its becoming increasingly rare for a good person to find a good person straight out of the gate. And unfortunately for a lot once they go rouge its hard for them to turn back even when they realize the innocence they're destroying in someone else. I just hope that my ability to move forward is not stumbled any further behind the other 90%.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

No Poo-wash

So FB has become my hair tutor... I hadn't heard the term no poo-wash b4. My aunt is basically doing this on her own. She has a 3c hair type and she used to straighten her hair a lot. Then over the past year or two she's been doing her own version of a no poo-wash and her hair is DOWN her back! Its curly and BEAUTIFUL! When she told me what she was doing I think I was turned off to the idea of not shampooing my hair. Dude religiously my hair is washed once a week. My head itches if I don't, and build-up starts forming. My hair ceased to act right, and I'd rather not. I love when my scalp is clean, and my hair smells fresh! Oh there's heaven in my head when my hair is clean. Last year I had a fight with my flat iron and it won. My poor hair has been breaking off ever since. TEARS! Note to self, I mean knew this but at the moment I forgot, you cant let just anyone in your head. NEVER AGAIN! Any who, so I've been trying to deal with that. Meanwhile I love to use Sebastian's Potion 9 as a leave in conditioner and then Sebastian discontinued the product. I had been trying to find a suitable replacement and that wasn't happening. So my mind has been ticking trying to think of how I'm going to give my hair what it needs while it grows back to its original glory. This morning on FB someone asked if you knew your hair number, etc. So I asked how do you know, and they told me to go here WONDERFUL site, so I think I'm a 4a hair type. But there was an article on this site about no poo-washing.... YES! I think I'm gonna try it. See how it feels on my hair... I would love to wear my curls loose and free, but I want more curl less fro... I don't think my hair will do that... so we'll see where this takes me. In the end I want it long and healthy...

Ok it's time

I don't know what kind of detour this is, but I'd say today is rock bottom. After apologizing to Zimo this morning for my random off the top of my head talking. She's back on her program as of yesterday and I was scoffing at the idea because in almost two weeks I plan on eating everything I like. That conversation kept replaying over and over in my head. So this morning I apologized and my morning started off good. I have a little nasty oatmeal with my bananas, and I was good. Then someone walked across the street and put out a a tin of ENGLISH TOFFEE!!!! It was FRESH and buttery, I ate more than I want to admit to right now. But then I figured you know whatever, I'm going to get a burger. And I did.... :o( I know it was good, but I cant even tell you about it. It all happened so fast.... :o( Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???? Something's up but I cant put my finger on it. I know that fool tried to break me earlier this week. But I thought I had broke that down in my mind and was over that. I think so, so then what's up? I gotta figure this out, I gotta get back on my program cause I got weight to lose. :o( If I can... :o(

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

2 Buck Chuck!

MAN! What happened to my tolerance???? I had more tolerance on some Pink Panties Saturday than I do off this 1/4 cup of 2 buck chuck! GOODNESS! But oh well! I've had 1 heck of a week and its only Tuesday! It amazes me how people attempt to rob u of your self esteem just to make their selves feel better. I'm getting real tired of that. Let me toot my own horn for a minute.... I'm a GOOD woman and that FOOL knows it! That's why he felt the need to call me trying his darnedest to make me feel horrible about me. Oh well! Once I understood the full picture, I refused to give you the joy of tearing me down. Wait til I get back on my program IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR FACE! Can I just say I hate him! How dare he say what I needed him to say years ago. If he would've said that back then, I wouldn't be sitting here the same way. So I guess its a good thing, but it hurt me. It hurt me bad! Oh well! Life goes on right?!?!? CRUSH HIM!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Friday, December 3, 2010

Never Give You Up -by Raphael Saadiq feat. Stevie Wonder and C.J. Hilton

This was my other wake me up in the morning JAM! I would be happy each day as long as I heard this song before I made it in to the office!

Simply Beautiful

I used to LOVE waking up to this song! Love this song! YES! I wish I could sing this song!

Jill Scott "Golden"

This is one of my anthems, This song came out around the time I decided to start taking over my life again. This is my anthem! PLUS I LOVE JILL SCOTT!


OK, so I guess in life there's good days and bad days with everything. As for today!!!!!!! I'm not feeling being single... Hopefully tomorrow I'll be cool again, but for today.... NOT FEELING IT! I know you always long for what you don't have, and I'm sure being married there would be days, weeks, months, even years when I would beg for my freedom again. But today not so much. Today I'm missing what I thought I had with someone, it wasn't perfect, but there were parts of it that were perfect for me. Maybe I shouldn't have watched that movie yesterday. I watched the movie that he introduced me to, and we would quote from it from time to time in our silliness. I miss that guy, not the one I know him to be today. The current guy gets the GAS face, but that old guy.... I WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM! And today I mourn him. -_- You know what I miss most about him? The days where we would be doing NOTHING and just enjoying being together. Wrapped up in each other playing our individual personal handheld games. I had Solitaire and Tetris, we would switch off trying to beat each other's scores. Or watch some dumb movie like the one I watched yesterday. The dumb conversations we would have about anything. Even the so-called arguments, were great (and that's major cause I don't like to argue). That guy is my prototype. I don't know what happened to him, when did he die and this other guy come about? I know it was gradual but it happened and now forever I will remember what used to be. SAD FACE! Oh well, maybe I'll actually get a chance to love someone deeper than that, can you even imagine? At this moment I cant. But I would surely love to try. Sad day today!

Captain's Log - Day 4 Black Soap

OK, so I used it last night. AND I put cocoa butter on my face, neck, and chest. Then I decided to put cocoa butter every where. As my skin deflates the stretch marks are trying to come, and I'm trying to stop them. Here's a word of advice, don't believe the doctors, etc when they tell you there's no way to avoid stretch marks. I believed them and didn't try to do anything to salvage my skin during pregnancy. I got some on my stomach but nowhere else. WELL, lately I noticed that they lightened when I would sporadically put lotion or cocoa butter on them. Even if you have them already its not too late. Pure Cocoa or Shea (the real stuff not the fake watered down stuff) on them. I've been using Palmer's Cocoa butter (Don't know how pure it is) on my skin and it has been doing wonders for my complexion and the marks. So after Day 5, I think I'll give the Captain's log a rest.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Captain's log - Black soap Day 3

Last night I didn't do it last night. Got off the phone with my cousin really late, and I passed out. Today's a new day.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Bruno Mars - Grenade [Official Music Video]


5 Years

Has it really been five years since I've talked to you? I guess it has been. You were on my mind this morning and I couldn't shake you. So I reached out, you reached back. Not that there's any less drama in my life right now, but I felt the need to reach out. I hope all is well, I see your family has grown. Me? Oh I'm the same, completely. Nothing new to write home about here. Well maybe some new things but we'll see.....

Captian's Log - Day 2 Black Soap

OK, so I did the same thing last night with the black soap. This morning (could've been the lighting) but my skin appeared to be a lot brighter. Don't know how I feel about that as I pride myself on my chocolate appearance. Maybe I'll just say brighter chocolate, its not a huge difference, I'm still VERY brown :o) but just not as dull. Yea that's a good way to describe it. So far OK, when I was looking on the Internet one person was breaking down how she has to use the soap because it was too strong for her skin. But then again she was using a different brand, and the Ambi version I'm using has Shea Butter in it. Don't know if that's making a difference, but hey its OK..... so far we like it.... will update you tomorrow.