A boy and his dog

Although its technically my child's dog my youngest nephew has the most fun with my puppy. My mom captured this moment of them just having a good time:

I just cant stop staring at my babies, they look so cute! Just a typical day of them just playing around.

Wedding Cakes

So I'm talking to my aunt about weddings. Last year when we had dinner for my parent's anniversary I made three cakes... do you remember? A pound cake, Red Velvet, and a Mountain High Fudge Cake as I like to call it. When my aunt tasted my RVC she jokingly said she wanted me to make her wedding cake. I was honored but SPOOKED all at the same time. I think I need to practice, and maybe I can figure it out on my own. I would LOVE to create a cake that looked like this:

I would be quite HAPPY with myself if I could pull that off. So I guess I'm going to Michaels and grabbing some fondant and practicing. Even if the cake is homemade there's no reason why it should have to look that way.



I never get it!

I never seem to pick up on when some one's flirting with me... WAIT! I take that back. I knew the bartender yesterday was flirting with me, but only because he wanted me to spend more money. I highly doubt there was anything genuine in his flirtation, and even if there was my disregard for his flirtation was real. But I guess if I was a flirt I would be able to zoom in on it right away. Normally fifty million years later I get it and go, oh yea. I guess maybe they were interested, but by the time I get it they're already married with six kids and blissfully happy. I just don't assume that a guy is talking to me or even breathing in my direction because he's interested. And whenever I allow myself to "take those clues" and run with them. I end up with MUD in my face, as the idiot informs me that I read it all wrong, when really if I came to that conclusion about you then it has to be pretty obvious to the world and me that you were flirting! Any who there's a nice guy, and he's so nice that I don't look at him in that way (short coming on my side). I saw him yesterday, and he gave me the BIGGEST hug... first of all can I say I LOVE HUGS! And it caught me off guard as I didn't expect him to hug me like that. Would it be desperate of me to wonder why he hugged me like that? UGH! There was nothing wrong with the way he hugged me, I was actually standing next to my father when he did it. Believe me if there was something wrong with it, the world would've heard about it. But alas, experience has taught me to chew it back... if I thought there was something behind it, to let it go. I only really ever see him once a year anyways. I so rarely see him that he didn't realize I had a child. I introduced them and he said you don't look old enough to have a child that old, and I told him because I'm not. Someone told me not to say that because guys don't like to hear things like that. But its only the truth, no I wasn't sixteen or even eighteen when my child was born, but it sure felt like it. I wasn't ready... but now... I don't want to try again either. LOL! Cant win for trying. But I will say that he's a nice guy, I don't know why he isn't married yet. I wish him the best in everything, and as for me. I'll keep my nose to the ground. I don't have the self esteem to experience the disappointment of unfulfilled hopes again... I'm keeping to myself. No thanx!

Not the 1st time

Although this is not my first time to the Rodeo, it still goes without words the first time your hold your new niece or nephew. My brother just made me an Aunt again, but tell me my heart didn't flutter when my little Lady Bug responded to my voice. Because of unforeseen events things didn't go as planned for the new parents. So they had to concede to allow family to gush all over them. I know, I know a real problem right. LOL! But the baby had to stay under observation for a while so when I first laid eyes on her, only my brother could hold her. She was sweet and innocent, a little doll. Well yesterday I went by the hospital and my sister-in-law was feeding her. During Lady Bug's brief come up for air, she gave her to me. And she wanted to continue eating so she started to fuss. So I started talking to her, do you know she stopped crying to look at me. Then she continued to look at me like, "I know that voice". And if I stopped talking she would fuss, but as soon as I spoke to her she would stop and look at me. OH I LOVED IT! Maybe it was the same tone her father uses when he talks to her (I'm always told that we talk the same... even though he has a very deep and masculine voice I understand what people mean) that made her respond to me. Whatever the deal... I'LL take it! LOL! I am very happy and satisfied with my encounter with my niece until I can hold her all day long. I know that wont happen though, there are a ton of folks who EXCITED to meet her. I probably wont get to have that moment until she's 13 and everyone is running from the new teen on the scene. LOL!

Instead of calling you today, I'm gonna sing you a song!

I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road along

My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum

I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

The POWER we give dates!

OK so one day I was watching Oprah (I'm truly missing that show) and she was interviewing families who had gone through tragedies. First she showed a previous interview with Nate Berkus (I think he's absolutely adorable. Especially after the episode of Oprah where he switched days with a stay at home mom. Watching him try to be Super Mom was so endearing to me. Any who...) and he was telling the story of his trip to Siri Lanka with his partner when the Tsunami hit. He said he had been in bed lifeless, and he only crawled out of bed to tell his experience for Oprah and then he went home and crawled back into bed. When they showed the footage he was WHOOPED! You could tell he was suffering. I guess it was the fact that his pain was genuine (NO ACTING!) that resonated with me.
And then they show this family. There was a mother and father, and two sons. Nate thought he was meeting with the family to help the youngest son Aaron come up with a business plan for his business. And you know how it is when you ask questions and then you find the real story. They told the story of how the family came to be. The parents marriage and then their first son was born. A few years later they were blessed with twins Aaron and Eric. They talked about the closeness of all the boys. And then one day they found out that Eric had a brain tumor. Eventually it became cancerous and Eric died at age 9. As you can imagine losing a child so young, the family was devastated. However Aaron's pain was even worse. And he grieved heavily. Well what I loved about this story is that when his parents took him to his medical doctor in desperate need of help for their son's grief. The doctor didn't put him on medication to "help" cope with day to day life. She reached into her purse gave Aaron some money and told him to go to the store and buy the things he needed to bake some cookies in honor of his brother. She wanted a list of the things he bought, etc. And that's where his business began. But I loved that the doctor gave him and outlet and helped him in the right way instead of pumping him with drugs and making things worse.
So as you can imagine Nate was not expecting to find this story when he went to the family's home. And the story touched him as it caused him to reflect on his own loss, etc. They talked about how the anniversaries were the hardest. And Nate talked to them about taking away the power in the dates. Not allow their grief to stop them from moving past the pain of the day Eric was born or the day that Eric died. (http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Nate-Helps-a-Family-with-Grief/1)
I wish I still had this episode on DVR so that I could watch it and take some pointers for myself. Who knew that just within a few weeks of watching this show my whole world would be turned upside down. So here I am trying everything I can to forget that my beautiful flower's Anniversary (a.k.a. birthday) is coming up. What makes this difficult is that we talked even if it was only briefly every year on that day. Last year I tried to tough it out and go to work any ways. And wound up home on my couch BALLING my eyes out. At least last year I could call her hubby. But right now... I kind of refuse to call him (my stubbornness). Why?
Because why would I do that to him or myself? He is moving on with his life, I'm sure he has some feelings about it, but why would I call him about his past, which would only affect his present, and he's focused on his future! It really sucks to go through this alone though, and I guess maybe that's what is bugging me more than anything else right now. I feel an emotional break down coming on... I gotta go for a walk, get some fresh air, and try to clear my mind. NEVER in a million years would I have thought that all of this would affect me as deeply as it has. It seems like only yesterday that I sat down to have dinner with my baby when Kim called me. I was in a good mood actually. I can remember stifling my screams as I was trying to hear Kim out as she told me that my flower was in the hospital and it didn't look good. I lost my air! I FLEW to the hospital and saw her husband in the hallway with beet red eyes. He tried to explain as much as he could to me, but I remember him saying, "she's gonna cry when she sees you". I thought I was going to be strong when I walked in that room it was packed with a ton of concerned people. And as usual Jasmine sat on her bed being the life of the party. She was cracking jokes and making everyone relax. I excused my way through the crowd, I sat on her bed and we wrapped our arms around each and CRIED! We sat like that for a good two minutes before she pushed me away and said, "get off me, you're making me cry and getting your germs on me". We all laughed, she always did that, made light of a serious situation. It feels like that was just a few minutes again. Like I can still feel her tears on my neck. FORGET this! I forbid anyone else to get sick and die until we're at least in our sixties. I know that's young to die, but I think I could handle it a lot better at that point. Not when we're young vibrant and still have children in elementary, middle, or high school. I don't know how to take the power out of the date. I wish I could learn that.

I cant wait to HUG her again. I wanna tell her everything that she's missed. And I wanna kick it HARD! Laughing my behind off, because she's just like me... such a clown.