Clearing out the Junk

Every December I go through my closet and find things to donate. Seventeen years ago next month I was married. Divorced a little over fifteen years now, but I still have the dress, shoes, and veil. I don't know why other than I paid my money for that mess. The thought has never occurred to me to get rid of them until yesterday. I don't know why... but I will be taking them to the local Goodwill today for donation. Its time to let it all go. You know what's hard is that I live with the pain of that failed relationship like it just happened hours ago.

You know what it is... I really expected that guy to love me the way I deserve to be loved. I was open with him about everything. I tried talking to him even when he wouldn't listen. Broke my heart, when in the end I only asked him to love me. So then enters my child's father. Broken and confused I leaned on that guy as much as he would let me. No I'm lying, I leaned on him even when he didn't want me to. I gave him everything I couldn't give my ex. MCF didn't know or understand where I was coming from or what I had been through. My fault cause I wasn't willing to explain, and never gave him the benefit of the doubt that he REALLY cared that deeply. Now I loved MCF, but I held him at distance because there was always something he wasn't telling me. But that couldve been what I wasn't telling him compounding things between us. But the little tid bits I did share with him, they were thrown in my face. Why would you trust someone with information who behaves that way.

I have to let go of the ways and whys of the hurts and pains of yesterday if I'm ever gonna be able to move forward. I don't know how to let go though. Carrying those hurts have been my only protection. I'm tired of being disappointed by people, taken for granted. I'm tired of being hurt... Here's to getting older, and hopefully getting better!

Post-Anniversary Dinner / Pre-Intimate Dinner with Fam BAM!

OK so, dinner was a smashing success. Everyone who said they would come came, and everyone had a good time. The ONLY sad part is when my cousin explained to me why he was having a small wedding and that he would be going away for a little while shortly thereafter. I almost cried, I just hugged him and HUGGED HIM! I told him I loved him, and how much I was gonna miss him. (stopping the tears that well up now) But we all had a good time otherwise. My child was SO HAPPY when they discovered it was all you can eat crab legs. There were Oysters, Clams, Shrimp, and mussels... I don't eat ANY of that. But I was happy for those who do indulge in that stuff had it available to them as all you can eat. One cousin was so excited, she said she had to start with two plates instead of just one. I love to watch her enjoy food she has such an appreciation for it. And I don't know where it all goes. She's always been thin, wish I had that gene but it seems to have skipped me. LOL!

Yesterday, I got somethings for the intimate dinner with just the immediate family tomorrow. We're not gonna do a huge fancy dinner, simple but nice. We'll present my parents with their actual Anniversary presents tomorrow. I cant wait to see them use my gift. I wont say what it is (cant remember if I've said already) just in case they know about this blog. (smiles) I gotta get to wrapping this evening. We'll see how this turns out.




But the drink of choice tomorrow will be White Russians! The best thing ever was discovering the recipe on Yes, Divas can cook's blog. Who doesn't like ice cream? I was making them at least three times a week for a minute there. I have since slowed my roll, but tomorrow is a special occasion and White Russian worthy. What's in it you ask?

Vodka
Kahlua
Vanilla Ice Cream

Blend in the blender. I like mine thick like a milk shake. Oh its so GOOD! I could drink these all day every day. I bought a BIG tub of ice cream just for this (Ice Cream Parlor size). And the warehouse size bottle of Kettle One. I couldn't find a warehouse sized Kahlua so I will have to pay BevMo a visit. (My toy store) Hopefully we wont kill each other before the night is over. I kid, I kid! We actually get a long pretty good (my Sib's and I), they just know I'm like the second mom and they need to watch out sometimes. But I love them all and would fight tooth and nail for each one of them. Here's to hoping for the best tomorrow.

Pre-Anniversary Dinner

So tomorrow is the dinner at a very casual and laid back all you can eat Chinese food Buffet. I have over forty folks who have said yes they will come. And the number is so low because I didn't invite everyone. I invited the ones I have email addresses for. If we just really put the invitation out there, that whole place would be hoping with nothing but family. JOY! One day we may have to do that. (smiles)

But you know what I was thinking. Maybe instead of making a cake I'll go over to the local Cheesecake Factory Restaurant and buy one for everyone to enjoy! ( http://www.thecheesecakefactory.com/ ) Sounds like a plan to me. And then the thought occurred to me. Um, shouldn't we decorate the house a little bit. Make it a little festive? Wouldn't that make everyone happy as they look at the effort put into the occasion. Then I started thinking about how the pictures would look nicer if we had a few decorations around. So that thought took me over to Oriental Trading ( http://www.orientaltrading.com/ ) and wouldn't you know, I found a wonderful idea for setting the table. BUT! I had this brain child too late in the game. If I placed the order today my stuff wouldn't arrive until the day of and that's after paying half the total to ship it over night. How about NO! I guess I'm going to the dollar store to see if I can recreate my brain child, SIGH! I don't know what I was thinking. But I'm getting excited about both events. I love the idea of family coming together to celebrate the love my parents have shown each other and all of us.

Also the dinner will be..... DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!

Lady Bug's Debut!

Since she's only a month old, she hasn't had the opportunity to meet very many family members. One Aunt in particular is very excited to meet my brother's offspring. I want a picture of that moment. Hopefully everyone is on their best behavior and the evening yields a smashing success.

Helpless

Right now I'm feeling pretty helpless. My child confided in me that someone at school was hitting and kicking them. When my child tells me anything about someone hurting them I am quick to respond and protect. But I called their father first, and their father said that we should allow our child to handle the situation properly before we get involved. I know in my mind he's right, but I really want to protect my baby. I know I didn't almost die giving birth to that child for them to end up someone's punching bag even if its an improperly expressed crush. UGH! I wanna go down there so badly and demand that my child is left alone. But I'm trying to listen and not be so impulsive. The waiting has me feeling helpless, and powerless. I feel like I'm letting my baby down although I know he's right. I guess this is one of those practice sessions for when I have a real man in my life. I know he's right, but its just not the way I wanted to handle the situation. So in addition to telling our child to report the situation to their teachers, I also sent a email to the teachers and I put both of our contact information, etc in the email. Now I'm waiting to see what happens next... HELP! Relax, Relate, Release!

Pre-42nd Dinner

OK so this Saturday on the 17th we're going to go to an all you can eat Chinese Food Buffet. I sent out a lovely Evite to the immediate and some not so immediate family members, almost all except for two have agreed to come. Now this place is not fancy and very casual if you will, but it was the only place that we could think of that could facilitate our family, and then we decided to invite others to come as well. I'm looking forward to a drama free evening with my family and close Friends.

I keep trying to tell myself to stop thinking this way, but part of me feels like this may be the last anniversary where we're all together. I know that's probably just the dramatic side of my brain speaking, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. I've asked my brother and sister closest to me in age to bring cameras to take pictures of everyone. I hope they both remember and capture the evening wonderfully! My father very briefly told me about some of the ailments that his parents suffered from before they both died very young. I need to get more detail from him about them, I know to know what to expect in his regard, as well as mine and my child's.

Natural Flair

OK so, guess what... My baby had a all day recital Saturday. To my surprise and pleasure their father and I got a long pretty well. Of course his father was also there to support his grandchild ( an added niceness cushion), but it was really nice. Even his, one of many, girlfriends continued to try her best to keep an eye on us the entire time ( as she was at work and couldn't just sit and watch ). Gurl PLEASE! Any who, my baby did a good job with each performance dancing, singing, and acting. My baby excelled in the skit that they did. Oh my goodness the humor, THE DRAMA, and stage presence... my baby had it all. I was so PROUD! I always knew my baby would be a performer... Proudest MOM EVER!

Green Monster Smoothies

OK so, this past weekend has been full of smoothies. I know its cold outside, but that doesn't seem to stop my family from indulging in the cold and creamy. I made this one for my parents, and they seem to like it a lot:

• Kale
• Spinach
• Banana
• Pineapple juice
• Flax seed Meal
• Frozen Pineapples
• Plain Non-fat Yogurt

I don't measure when I may any of these. But try it! Your mouth and body will thank you. Then I made other variations of this smoothie by adding:

• Frozen Strawberries
• Frozen Berry medley
• Oranges
• Apples
• Mango
• Kiwi

I am in love with smoothies, and this weekend was great. I will need to restock this weekend on my supplies, but YES! its on! As long as we start at the foundation of Green and POWERFUL I think my body will say thank you. I have to get back on target, I have to get back on task. Here's to yet another beautiful beginning...

Winter Project Flop

OK so, make the noise... wah, wah! LOL! I was ready, I was gonna do them all... my Winter Projects that is.., but I don't know what happened, but none of it has happened yet. (SAD FACE) I know its not too late, but my mind is all over the place right now. November was a VERY emotional month for me, and then the icing on the cake, my father fell ill. He appears to be on the up and up so now I gotta get it together.

This year instead of having dinner at my house, we're going to go out to dinner. My thing was that I LOVE having people over. That part wasn't the problem. I just hate being stuck in the kitchen ALL DAY, all the cleaning, etc. And then I don't get to enjoy my company like everyone else does. So this year we're going out. I sent out and Evite and so far I have confirmation that 25 people are coming and everyone hasn't confirmed yet. Yay! So that will be our Annual Family Celebration of my parents nuptials.

Then on my parent's actual Anniversary we will have a simple dinner for just the immediate family and present my parents with their gifts. Here's whats on the menu:

Green Beans
Garlic Loaded Mash Potatoes
Cubed steak
Egg Nog
White Russians (Adults only children need not apply)
Caramel Rum Cake



I think I'll make the cake the night before. The rest will be simple enough to make. The hardest thing to make may be the potatoes, but even that isn't difficult to make.

New Blog 2 L-O-V-E!

OK so, half of the fun of logging on here is to look and see what my fellow bloggers have posted. I love looking at the post of others. So I happened to run across this one

http://iheartorganizing.blogspot.com/

Um, yea... loving it. And the nice thing is that there are so many previous post on here that I can go back to the beginning and read them all while I patiently await new post from my other favorite bloggers. Plus, I REALLY need some organization in my life so this will help me figure that out. Yay me!