U just ran across my mind

OK so, I was talking to a friend and my Ex came up. Talking to her tripped me out. I can clearly see and remember how much I LOVED him. I don't even know how to put it in words to explain and/or describe it. But if you've ever loved someone you know exactly what I'm talking about. How when you even just think about that person how your chest just fills up with so much love. I miss having that feeling in my life. I miss loving someone that much. I found an old journal and the journal reminded me of when I succumbed to that feeling for him. It brought tears to my eyes. To know what I know now and remember what I thought then. I was supposed to be doing something else and found myself totally winded. I had to sit down, and all week I cant help but think about it. I remember the instant that love swelled up in my chest and it stayed there for YEARS! So much so that I was letting everything around me fall apart as long as he was a part of my life I didn't care. Then here I sit today, accuse me of loving that boy and I might cut you. LOL! NO! He is not the man for me, he was close but he was not the one. It took me over a decade to realize that. Oh how I cry over the time wasted there. So now I look up and everyone else is paired off. No one for me to link up with and call my own. Oh well, stuck remembering a feeling that I'll probably never experience again. Hurts to even face that fact. But its true, I haven't got the skin or tolerance to deal with the rejects which are the only reason why they're available now. I know that isn't fair to say, because that could go both ways. But it is my reality right now, and the depth of my optimism today.

Survey Says.....(natrual relaxer)

OK so I did it. My hair came out HECK of soft. My hair was very moisturized which made it easier to get my Denman brush through. And I have been enjoying the curly affects of my ponytail ends with the brush. As far as a relaxed curl pattern. I didn't notice that as much as, but hey I'll take deep conditioning affects any day. Maybe I need to do it more than once before I notice an affect on my curl pattern. Oh and I left it on longer than 45 minutes. So hey, once I've gotten the art of doing this more than just the one time then I'll be able to say for sure.

Self Control

OK so, I try daily to recognize my limitations. On some levels I do pretty OK in that regard. But I'm having the hardest time mastering self control. My mind is racing around the things I would LOVE to indulge in but I have no proper outlet. For whatever reason the things I would love are beyond my reach. I would love to travel and see new things, I lack the funds, I would love to take a dance class, but I lack the funds. I could go on and on. Disappointed I am. My mind and heart battle each other constantly. When the bible said the flesh is weak... it AIN'T EVER LIED! It helps not to count the time, but frustration does get the better of me for sure. OK, lace up my boot straps and stop whining... um, um I'll try... MAJOR SAD FACE!