Swollen Face

Yesterday I over slept and when I threw myself in front of the mirror I saw that my entire face was swollen. I tried to pull it together, tried to put some color on my face to wake it up. But my swollen face really just matched my soggy on the inside spirit. All morning I found it difficult to raise my head and look people in the face let alone in the eye. One person said I looked tired and I just agreed with them. I am tired.... What happened? Saturday I did a BAD thing. I watched a movie, I mean I knew the movie would be kind of sad, but I guess I didn't think it through.
Have you seen "My Sister's Keeper"

It was On Demand on my cable box, so I said what the hey, let me sit down and watch this movie. BAD IDEA! Kate has Leukemia.... and the room starts spinning for me right there. My beautiful flower died from complications of Acute Myloid Leukemia. I know the stories are totally different, but you cant say Leukemia to me with me freezing like a deer in headlights. I watched the entire movie, crying the whole time. And when the movie was finally over, I went into a deep and heavy heart mourning sob. My body couldn't produce tears large enough to express my pain. I sat there for a minute thinking should I call Jasmine's husband. I thought about explaining to him my aversion to his upcoming nuptials, etc. I even prayed on it, and then I remembered. I didn't and don't matter to him. His life is not hurting because I have feeling about him moving on before I'm ready for him to. So why should I call him? He was probably having a good day and my calling would've only been a major bummer or worse. Not wanting to argue I let it go. I went downstairs and made dinner for my family. I had a couple of drinks but I didn't drown my miseries in my drink... SURPRISINGLY!  Although I was no longer outwardly crying, I spent the rest of the weekend crying inwardly. My baby did their best and a good job of making the rest of yesterday light hearted and nice. I did cheer up some. BUT if you would've looked at me, especially in my eyes you would've said what's wrong. Only thing is when I say what's wrong no one ever knows what to say. I get that, nine times out of ten they change the subject... It feels so lonely over here.... Swollen face and all.