Motivation

So yesterday my thoughts were all over the place. Missing my girl like crazy, and even feeling it in my toes that I couldn't just call up her and say HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! And the fact that I couldn't call her hubby and grieve with him as he has moved on with his life. So needless to say self medicating on Saturday night led to total sickness on Sunday. I laid on the couch all day. At one point I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. It wasn't until yesterday as I drove into work that I realized what my malfunction was. I mean I kind of questioned the tears, but that isn't exactly a new thing with me these days.

Any who, my lovely and wonderful cousin just so happened to reach out to me right after I said a silent prayer for relief. She refocused all my angst and pain into something more positive. Originally last year amongst a ton of other reasons, my girl's passing was an eye opener as to how much I should value and appreciate my health and the body that I'm in. I took off like a rocket. Lost weight like you wouldn't believe and had a lovely support system at the time. Even when my support fell off I was still at it and doing well. But then I burned out, I couldn't maintain anger and proper management of my diet. Horrible, but the truth nonetheless. I'm still angry, but I'm looking up for relief from my inner furnace. So again I'm attempting to move forward and become the person that I know I am on the inside outwardly.

I will try my best to read Marianne's words daily as I feel like this poem/motivational statement applies so well to me.

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~ Marianne Williamson

So here I go again. On my program officially today, and so far so good. This is a moment by moment process for me as sometimes I put things in my mouth without even thinking. But yesterday I went home and exercised some. It felt really good. Thanx Nae, you have been a great source of motivation to me.