My inner conflict!

OK so, Here's what I was thinking about on my way home. I don't know if I really want a husband... I know I say I want one, but the one I fantasize about I doubt even exist so its like why bother. I kind of like not arguing about dumb stuff, and making my own decisions. So then I'm cool with being alone.... but like today... I think I'm in that ovulation period where all I can think about is my man's breath on my neck.... Eyes rolling in Ecstasy... but lets be real even when there was a "man" around how often did that happen? I mean there were times it was GOOD but more times than not it was OK, and then there were times like I couldve had a V8... Especially since my life has changed how in the world would I know what I was getting until I'm bound to it for eternity, not that I would walk away from a man for not being my missing puzzle piece, but that's just so much more work...... And the thought of that puts me right back at single again! Not that I feel like I'm perfect, but I am DA BOMB! (showing my age LOL!) I know that being with me is an honor and a privilege and why oh why do I end up with guys who see that but want to try to take that from me? I tell myself... what I wont do, this time.... I wont disappear! I wont buy into their attempts to belittle me and make me less of a person to try to elevate their self.