I ask myself

OK so I ask myself, is it selfish of me to want a man of my very own? See I grew up not feeling worthy of..... anything! I want and NEED to feel worthy of being loved by one man and no one else in our relationship. I have to come first and there can be no one second. I am not secure enough to tolerate another woman, and if I was tolerant of another woman you gotta know that there's SOMETHING unapproved going on. But I couldn't tolerate myself in that role. SO NO! NOT GONNA HAPPEN! RIDICULOUS!