Ugly Duckling

One of my favorite shorts from Disney is the one about the Ugly Duckling. Because of  the way I grew up I can truly relate to this story. Not really fitting in with the people around you. They all look the same but you're the only one who looks different. Even adults can be and are just horrible when you don't look the way they think you should look.

You start off happy about yourself. Not really thinking one way or another. And then BAM! Here comes people with their interjections. And I don't care how tough your skin is, you cant get away from those situations without being affected even if its only a little bit.

Even the most optimistic person is gonna have feelings of doubt and self worthlessness.

All a lone without a friend in the world. The goal is overcome these feelings to find your worth from within and then to let it shine like a beacon at night right? That's the idea they try to sell all of us. But when you don't feel good about who you are its kind of hard to shine through the dark ugliness of depression.

The Disney Story stops here:

The Ugly Duckling finds its' BEAUTIFUL mother, and siblings that look just like them. And they go on happy and content with life. If only that were real. I struggle daily with the bad taste those mean ole Ducks left in my mouth. Sometimes I see the Swan in myself and I beg her to come out. But most days I still feel isolated, and ugly. Its one of the worse things to be in a room full of people and to feel completely ALONE! That has happened to me more times than I want to remember. I guess that's why I tend to look for those who are hanging in the corner their selves. People who I can relate to.
Well this one time I found this Swan, it was BEAUTIFUL! I loved it dearly, because it could totally relate to my experience as the Ugly Duckling, and then some. I thought our bond would last FOREVER stupid I know, but I really did. But alas that Swan couldn't let go of what those Ducks did to it. The Swan couldn't accept my affects of living as they did, and they faulted me for any attempts I made to give them what they never had. The Swan only focused on what I wasn't doing, never gave me credit for what I did until the threat of losing it all, was before them. Toxic! I try to move on and move past it, but moments like this one have me sitting here feeling like I'm being QUACKED at for not being enough. I guess I have more tears to shed. Good Grief! When will this be over?