Music!!!!!

It started with a Lovely Jill Scott melody, jamming and grooving. The next thing I know.... John Legend comes on. The melody is familiar, but its not until he belts out his melancholy tune that it hits me. This was my ambiguous song dedicated to my child's father. (TEARS!) My mind wouldn't let me focus on the song like I wanted to, but I replayed the song more than four times and each time I would get distracted. (AGONY!) Now I'm sitting here wondering if he even remember that song or that I told him that song made me think of he and I. I remember it clearly. We were in my car, his car was in the shop (now I don't remember why or which one it was) but we were driving around the city at night when this song came on and I told him that this song made me think of us. He defensively listened closely, but never commented. Did he even hear me? Did he take it in? When he hears it again will it make him think of me as it has me him? NOT that I want him thinking about me... and not that I want to be thinking about him.

I constantly fight with myself about him and his memory. I love to downplay the significance of the roll he's played in my life. Regardless of everything, once upon a time we were really good friends. Once upon a time we were like best friends almost. Or at least that's what he was for me. I gotta keep reminding myself about the whole illusion. My interpretation of the past and his most times don't match, and more than likely never will. Oh well, I can say that I am thankful for the experience even if it was only real on my side. I can say at least that I know what I felt, and at times it was GOOD! And then there's the end.... ENDINGS ALWAYS HURT! ALWAYS!

Isn't it funny how music can do this to you? Whole day turned upside down now. Wow!