Unreasonable Thoughts

Have you ever had unreasonable thoughts? I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but for whatever imperfect reason I cant help it. Sometimes I feel like my child's father pats himself on the back for being the last person that I've truly cared for. I want someone in that space so bad, sometimes I try to force square pegs into round holes.... I just don't want him to be the last, you know what I mean? I know its stupid and childish to think this way, but I cant help it. I don't want him patting himself on the back about anything when it comes to me. But since he knows how I am, he knows he was the last person to be in that place and I guess he equates that to still having feelings for him other than nausea and intolerance. Days like today I wish there was someone else, but the truth is.... I'm nothing like him, so of course that spot is still open. Oh well, here I go....