Struggling with myself

So and impromptu meeting/argument with my child's father has been plaguing my brain all weekend. Sometimes I hate that when he and I argue I actually listen as well as vent. If only I could master the art of telling him off and not hearing a word he says. Well I wasn't raised that way, and that's the not the person I want to be, but with him sometimes it just seems like that's the way it should be. As the parents there's supposed to be unified front right? If we discuss something about our child and agree on a go forward strategy, I don't know why that breaks down into something that we have to argue about, and it always happens the same... it always goes into who-shot-john yesterday things that neither one of us can change now. Well.... he went backwards and I stopped talking and then I heard him say it.... "I've never felt like I was needed" WHY OH WHY did that hit me in the chest???? I mean I think I had a snap reply to that, but I don't think that I did now that I'm thinking about it. :o(  But I did everything in my power not to focus on his words Saturday I had too much to do. But Sunday during service there it was in my brain. So after a very heart felt conversation with my baby, we had lunch with their father. At first we discussed the issue at hand. But then we moved on to building up to my point. So at the end of our lunch, I apologized (in a way) for not really showing or even really saying how much I appreciate, value, and need his help in raising our child. I mean everyone needs confirmation from time to time. Not that he just comes out and say Thank you Liz for all that you do and have done for our child even when I was acting up. Naw, he's alluded to it before. But never a thank you for having my child, and putting up with me, etc.... But I think I would PASS OUT if he ever said something like that. Nope everything is always my fault. I cant ever really be right for anything because its me. Rather than dwell on all the things he does or doesn't do, I decided to give him this one. It was the least I could do. But my hopes are that once he understands that his child's needs him, and that I need him for the sake of our child their relationship will improve. AND I REALLY HOPE that this doesn't turn into something misunderstood about my interest in him. Once upon a time I thought I would die without him in my life. Not an over statement, I really did. I couldn't see past how much I loved him and wanted him in my life. Well as we now know I got over that, and regardless of what he says I know that the person that I was so in love with, the person I couldnt live without NEVER really existed. I saw what I wanted to see, I heard what I wanted to hear. Now that I can see clearly... that guy got lost at sea never to be recovered. What funny is like yesterday I'll see traces of that guy in the man that fathered my child, but all I have to do is WAIT FOR IT! And the real him comes blasting through! Making me put my fighting armor on and get ready for battle.  :o( Oh well for now this is my life. Moving on right... RIGHT!