A mother's appreciation

There's nothing like a woman who appreciates being a mother, appreciates having a family, and is joyful to share it with the world. Reading this post.... touched me. http://deliacreates.blogspot.com/2012/01/thoughts-on-motherhood.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+DeliaCreates+%28delia+creates%29

I remember when I felt like there was someone missing from my family. I remember when having another child consumed my thoughts. I was willing to do it at all cost. The other day I actually felt that pain. For those of you who don't have children, you know the wonder of when you'll have them. And how it just consumes your thoughts. Growing up I always knew I wanted to have children. I was the one who wanted a big family. I wanted four or six kids. I come from a big family and I think big families are AWESOME! I had all these day dreams of the way it would be. Some dramatically exciting way to surprise my husband with the news. All the love I would express to my unborn child as I eagerly anticipated their arrival. Oh I couldn't wait.

Well after making some bad choices, I didn't get any of that. And when I finally found myself pregnant there were so many other pressing things happening in my mind that I didn't get to enjoy it. Talk about feeling robbed. And then because of my situation I was not prepared for what was happening in that delivery room. I have such a dramatically traumatic story, no one can blame me for not doing it again. But like most mom's there was a moment when I forgot all the trauma and said YES! I wanted to do it again. But after a while of trying I actually thought about what I was asking for. I pumped the brakes and did a complete 360 on my desire to have another. I look at everything my child goes through and I'm thankful that there's not two miserably suffering through the Whoa's of this life. But I tell you I HATE that my child is an only child. But now that I've successfully talked myself out of it, I could never back pedal. I look at babies and I LOVE them! But I don't want one of my own. It kind of hurts my feelings that I cant go backwards. I guess its because I think of everything I did when I had my baby and I don't ever want to go through that again. Even if you have a "husband" there's no guarantee that you wont be a single parent in disguise.And I'm cool! Besides I'm now at the point where I want and need the attention of my husband more than I want or need to have another child. Entering the selfish stage.... its all about me! me! ME! LOL! Plus I love the stage my child is at now, they're a young teenager. We have so much fun together, I really enjoy my child's company. I look forward to their graduation. Their young adult life and when they get married. But I tell you, I'm always excited about babies. I love them to death. They're so innocent, and wonderful. Watching them discover the world is amazing to watch as well. I love babies, and I love celebrating them. Just dont ask me to throw their party. I DO NOT LIKE TO THROW PARTIES! Its not my strong suit, I can feed you and organzie, but dont ask me to entertain you. Entertaining folks, shining in front of people, wanting to be the center of attention in a large crowd has never been me. NO SIR! I DONT LIKE IT! DONT WANT IT!