Every December I go through my closet and find things to donate. Seventeen years ago next month I was married. Divorced a little over fifteen years now, but I still have the dress, shoes, and veil. I don't know why other than I paid my money for that mess. The thought has never occurred to me to get rid of them until yesterday. I don't know why... but I will be taking them to the local Goodwill today for donation. Its time to let it all go. You know what's hard is that I live with the pain of that failed relationship like it just happened hours ago.
You know what it is... I really expected that guy to love me the way I deserve to be loved. I was open with him about everything. I tried talking to him even when he wouldn't listen. Broke my heart, when in the end I only asked him to love me. So then enters my child's father. Broken and confused I leaned on that guy as much as he would let me. No I'm lying, I leaned on him even when he didn't want me to. I gave him everything I couldn't give my ex. MCF didn't know or understand where I was coming from or what I had been through. My fault cause I wasn't willing to explain, and never gave him the benefit of the doubt that he REALLY cared that deeply. Now I loved MCF, but I held him at distance because there was always something he wasn't telling me. But that couldve been what I wasn't telling him compounding things between us. But the little tid bits I did share with him, they were thrown in my face. Why would you trust someone with information who behaves that way.
I have to let go of the ways and whys of the hurts and pains of yesterday if I'm ever gonna be able to move forward. I don't know how to let go though. Carrying those hurts have been my only protection. I'm tired of being disappointed by people, taken for granted. I'm tired of being hurt... Here's to getting older, and hopefully getting better!
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