Venting

So as usual, I'm sitting over here brewing about something... Talking to a family member yesterday they laid some pretty "heavy" news on me. It was about a dear friend, so I text them to find out if there was anything new. They told me they would call me later on in the day. So I assumed the worst and don't you just HATE it when you don't make a donkey out of yourself for assuming. I did a lot of praying before my friend and I spoke, which is the reason I didn't feel like I had put my foot in my mouth by the end of the conversation. But it was true, and it seems like I'm the only person hurting. My friend seemed happy about the news and I was surprised to hear all who were on board with this situation. But alas what difference does it make right. The needs of men and women differ greatly and the ability to satisfy those needs differ as well. My friend has decided to remarry (SCREAMS! AGONY! ANY OTHER DRAMATIC EXPRESSION PLEASE INSERT HERE!) it hurts me. And if only because maybe I was foolish enough to believe that my friend would remain single. But the rules are different for men and women I see. If a man wants to remarry he can and will. For a woman she can easily remain single for the rest of her life and no one would even notice. Am I jealous? Kind of! But this hurts more than jealousy but I cant find the words to express it. I had a good conversation with my friend and to my surprise I ended the conversation at almost two hours. My child was coming home and I needed to have dinner ready, besides I didn't exactly want to continue to harp on my disapproval. I kindly told him I would NEVER point him in the direction he's going in. But honestly, would I point him in any direction???? NO! I know its his choice, and he seems happy so far with his choice... But UGH! He told me that I was invited to his home, but I told him I couldn't come. I told him I'm too emotional still, and I know me. When our paths cross I'm gonna be the only one hurting, oh well my issue not theirs. I spent my evening in suspension, and woke up that way too. It wasn't until I was walking up the office that I realized I left the house completely naked in the face. I washed my face this morning and kept it moving. Trying to focus on my hair anything other than the pain I feel right now. I was supposed to call Zimo after I talked to him, but I cant even talk about it. I dont really wanna discuss it, HURTS!

So let me backup a bit...
This weekend I was talking to an acquaintance and I mentioned that I was not content in my singleness... Did she get excited? LOL! Which kind of scared me, and suddenly all my insecurities came rushing to the top. The next day she points out a eligible bachelor... and instead of thinking of myself. I could only think of how my cousin was more worthy than me. Discussing this with a friend later she then gets on my case about how I deserve a mate, etc, etc. Did I mention how compliments make me uncomfortable? STUPID right? Like anyone else I like to receive them and long for them especially when I feel ignored. But compliment me and watch me squirm! I thought I had gotten better, but apparently I haven't. So this weekend I was feeling VERY hopelessly SINGLE! And even depressed about it a little.... no who am I kidding A LOT! A LOT! A LOT! And then my friend lays on me that they're dating and looking to remarry. EXCELLENT TIMING HUH!?!?!?! Oh well there isn't exactly anything wrong with his choice to my immediate knowledge. I don't wish her eternal singleness, exactly. She's just not the person I would choose for him, but like I said I wouldn't choose anyone for him personally. SO OH WELL WHO CARES IF I'M THE ONLY PERSON TRIPPIN RIGHT???? Just me... little ole un-noticeable me. oh well......