No matter what a Male's approach to things will be different than a woman's. I normally tend to see something and then the female in me talks me down and tells myself its not what I thought. Until in the end I end up telling myself I should've listened to myself in the first place. I feel every child needs their father whether they choose to appreciate their parent or not is up to the child. But given the chance and opportunity most children will choose to accept and love their fathers. It takes a "special" type of father that makes their children want nothing to deal with them. Not saying that there aren't father who are unworthy, but each person has to decide that for their self when they're ready.
As for me... I was born a "Daddy's Girl"! My Daddy was my EVERYTHING for the longest time. I loved my mom, but my daddy... that was it for me. But what happens when you put someone up on a pedestal??? Eventually they fall because they're imperfect. OK so, my daddy fell and its been the last I don't know how many years of me trying to figure out where to put him. Yesterday I had the Daddy's Girl experience again. I told him, "you know, I haven't picked your brain in a long time... I need to run something by you". So I told him about the latest "situation" in my life. It was like he was giving voice to that little voice that has been trapped in my head. Confirming what I thought already just made me feel like "YES!" my father has spoken. Now honestly there's a little part that wanted to say "No Daddy you don't understand..." but in the end I know he's right. And I just need to stop before I end up in ANOTHER situation. :( My heart says that my daddy is right, and so I pray for the clarity to get it together.
What happened you ask? Well there was this guy, I saw him watching me for a while, but I didn't pay it any real attention. If you haven't noticed the past 2 - 3 years haven't been my finest moments for sure. Well when he approached me in a friendly manner, my feelings took it and ran with it. I found myself liking him, and in the worst way cause I couldn't give you any real reasons why, just that I did. Well when I was honest with him about how I felt he did a whole "SIKE!" I'm not trying to go there with you thing. UGH! Hurt my feelings yes he did which in the end pissed me off. I don't like or participate in the games that Brothers play and here he was playing them. I wouldn't even talk to him. So after lots of prayer and conversations with myself I told myself to calm down and be nice. In the course of that he starts doing "things" again, and my brain is saying WHAT ARE YOU DOING???? So I had to ask my daddy to break it down for me. Help me see this situation clearly because I wasn't getting it. Once he said the words that makes my mind throw up, its like the light came on. My daddy put this guy in the same category as my ex's YIKES! PUMP BRAKES! My daddy says "how do these guys keep finding you???" And you know what, I don't know.... But I don't want to play the games or end up strung out again in a BAD relationship whether he acknowledges it or not. So YES! We can be friends, but it wont go any further than that. The thing is that I'm a good friend if I do say so myself. I have a very nurturing personality, and I love to build people up. But I don't like being lied to or led to a conclusion when its really not where you're not going as well. Here's what my life has taught me, guys like this... there's only so far you can go with them. As far as me in their lives, they love me, and don't want anyone else to have me. But to actually be with me, and be good to me, that's what I haven't experienced. So I'll continue to hold out and wait for the one that's actually looking for me. As for this one, we can be friends, who couldn't use another guy friend in their life? But I wont look for anything more than a friendship from this one, and when I honestly listen to the things he's said... that's all he's really asking for anyways... all that extra stuff is just fluff. I don't know why he does that, but I cant sit here and worry about it either. a closed mouth doesn't get fed, and if your mouth only ever opens to remind me that you're only looking for friendship then hey who am I to fight that? Who am I? I would say back to the drawing board, but in all honesty I never left the drawing board. I've been here all the time.
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