Unfortunately

So last night my child and I sat in back of the congregation. Normally we sit in the front where there's less distractions, but I don't like sitting in the front when we arrive late. So we sat in the back and in the back you can see a lot of people, etc. I noticed the sad face on my child but I didn't say anything. When we got home my child volunteered to tell me why they looked sad. They said they really want a family, and it makes them sad when they see other "happy" families and then its just us, which to them feels like an incomplete family. Now I've told them before that just because there's a mother and a father that does not always equal a happy family. But needless to say last night all I could do was apologize. I mean sometimes I feel it myself but I never try to show that to my baby. When talks are given about families, I know my situation isn't ideal. And yes I would love to have a husband, most importantly one that I can worship with. But honestly I am also very afraid of a relationship. The demise of my relationship with my child's father has left a VERY BAD taste in my mouth in regards to relationships. I'm kind of afraid to love someone, its not that I wont or that I don't want to. But I'm scared. I guess this is where prayer comes into play. And any ideas I may have had of anyone that I know I have to let them go. I have yet to meet a person where the signs weren't right there in my face that we were not a good match. Even the last person who I thought "hmmmmmm, maybe he could be the answer to my prayers...." I tried to ignore the first two signs but at last REJECTION always hits you like a brick wall. Now.... why would I go back there. This morning I woke up wondering if some of the things said by this person were actually statements covertly made to me.... Hmmmmmm. Well I'm not a read between the lines kind of person. I will never assume that you're talking to me. And if in the end I have to guess then the message wasn't for me anyways. Funny how all this comes up when my child's father starts on his Mister Nice Guy campaign.... NO! He's not even a consideration.... We did have good times once upon a time (in my mind at least) but the bad was so BAD that I could NEVER go back wholeheartedly, and if your whole heart isn't in it, then why even bother. It just makes me sad because for once this is a need that I cant provide for my child. What is my mood today? Melancholy for sure.