Hair

For those who know me, they know how IMPORTANT this attribute is to me. I love hair, the colors the textures, the styles, and MOST IMPORTANTLY (to me) the LENGTH!
I have that same sad story, when I was a little girl I had LONG hair. Those beautiful long ponytails. But unfortunately for my mother I am (still to this day) very tender-headed. My mother worked Full time and then she'd come home and take care of the three of us (before we became seven) while my father tinkered with things around the house. Three of the seven days a week we had service and it was very important to my mother (as it should be to all mothers) that we were neat and presentable. Well the tender-headed child presented a challenge constantly. I knew better than to move, but my mother could not take the idea of hurting me to make me pretty. So she decided to put a perm in my hair to make combing my hair easier.
For someone who had absolutely no idea what she was doing. My mother did an excellent job. I could remember my aunt stroking my hair and saying, "your mother should let me do your hair one day". Well one day my hair broke off. And I went from having long thick hair to short damaged hair just like everyone else around me. I remember looking at the long ponytails of my class mates and longing for my hair again.
When I was in Middle school a friend of my mother's began to take care of my hair. What I still appreciate about her until this day is that she gave us the tools to maintain our hair inbetween appointments. Once she took over the responsiblitiy of educating us about our hair and caring for it, all of our hairs grew. I then went from short hair to long hair again. I was so pleased. Well life's stresses began and let me tell you stress and perms dont mix for me. Once again my hair began to bail on me. Our friend tried to help me as much as she could, but I couldnt afford to keep going back to her.
So for the first time in life I got braids. I wore braids for the next two years, and all during my pregnancy. A year after my pregnancy I decided to perm my hair again.

Ooh La La! My hair was banging and I couldnt have been more pleased. But sadly I continued to perm my hair for the next three years and it continued to break off and I was back to square one. Back to braids I went. Frustrated with my hair and the lack of stylist who would be as honest and open with me as my first teacher had been,  I had no idea what to do. Then my significant other asked me why didnt I just keep my hair natural. The thought of it relieve so much torture from my soul. This was LONG before the natural hair movement began. So I had no idea of what to do with my hair and how to do it. So I just treated my hair like I did before and washed it conditioned and pulled it into a ponytail. I tried a few things here and there as far as styles, but about three years ago I started to long for my straight hair again. I bought a fancy flat iron and began flat ironing my hair. Not totally getting the results I wanted but definitely succeeding in damaging my hair. So its been a year since heat has touched my hair. And wouldnt you know its like I havent learned my lesson. I want to put heat on my hair again. Even with the best heat protector known to man, heat is not a friend to hair. My good friend has gone to a local Salon ( Jovance http://jovance.com/ ) and has had amazing results. This salon has a TON of stylist who work with Natural hair. So you dont feel the pressure to accept the creamy crack in your life just to have wonderful hair and beautiful styles. So why am I whining today? Because I like what I've seen from this Salon, but I dont really have the money to go, plus I dont know if they could fit me in on the day I would need to go. PLUS, I said no more heat! Plus.... I'm just really scared. Why is it that the things I just cant see in my minds eye, scare me to death? Like to the point that I freeze in motion like a deer caught in headlights...

I guess its just a lack of self confidence.... What to do? What to do?